I Don't Quite Know... How to Say How I Feel.
This is all eating away at me. I laugh. Shrug it off. Say it doesn't matter. But it does. It always does. You used to be a confidante. My friend. Now I look at you and all I see is the anger, upset, disappointment. What you don't know is that I am looking back at you with those same eyes. The disappointment in knowing that you don't understand, and don't want to.
I feel betrayed...
... and so very alone.
Those who I thought were friends have turned and believed every word spoken and whispered about me... whether it is true or not. You were welcomed and now I am being shunned. In my own group of friends. I hadn't realized how much people were believing until last night. Until I was turned away from all of you.
What you don't know is how often I cry. Not just the silent tears in the darkness, but the body shaking sobs that make it so hard to breathe.
I know you cry. I've been told. Just like I've been told how often you talk to my friends about me... whisper about me... and tell people I don't try. You don't see my daily life anymore. That was a choice you made and I feel like I'm being punished for it.
What happened to our late-night conversations. Laugh until I think I'm going to pee my pants conversations. And our truth be told, I trust you conversations. I used to be able to lay there and forget everything else. I never thought that you would lose my trust. I never thought we would get to this point. But it looks like we're here and I don't know what to do.
I'm torn. And it hurts. The looks hurt. The secrets hurt. The whispers hurt.
You're not the only one who's hurting right now.
_____________________________________________________________
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.
posted by MsPatricia @ 3:48 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I think you said it all right there Trish.
This is hard, and I'm sorry I have to watch you go through this. I really am trying my hardest to make the tears and the pain go away.
A hug can only go so far.
A simple 'I love you' is all I can say to hopefully make a dent in the saddness you have.
I Love You.
Oh baby, I wish I could help both of you so much. It kills me to see you this way and know that you're hurting and I can't do anything. It hurts when people talk about you behind your back and say things that aren't true. You know I'm trying my hardest to understand and be there for you. Don't hesitate to call or message anytime! lov you!
When people are frustrated they tend to do things out of character in order to get their point across. It's hard to get past, but pity the person putting you through this. She isn't mature enough to deal with things in the way she should, and you can see that. You're the bigger person here, and I'm not the only one who knows that (ie, Kelly and Jaime for starters.) You are loved darling! This too shall pass...
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