Getting To Be

Do you ever wonder if those you are close to have your best hopes, interests and happiness at heart? Do you ever wonder if those you think are your friends... really aren't? Do you ever wonder if your parents truly are proud of you? Do you ever feel as though no matter how hard you try, nothing is ever good enough? Welcome to my life.

After much thought and consideration, I've decided to start a blog. Reading the blogs of friends, I realized that this could be a great way to get some of these thoughts out and maybe... just maybe, get rid of some of the clutter up there.

There are some days when I think that all I am doing is trying to please my parents. Other days I know that I am doing everything possible to displease them. But really, all I have ever wanted is to make my parents happy. To see the look of disappointment on their faces is like a dagger through my heart. By trying so hard to make my parents happy, am I deterring myself from what truly makes me happy?
They constantly say that I should do what makes me happy, but what if what makes me happy is making them happy? What then? Being away at school certainly helps the situation by not being able to see the look of disappointment on their faces... Only to be replaced by the sound of disappointment in their voices when I talk to them on the phone.
Why can't I just accept that I will never be the perfect daughter that they had hoped for? Why can't they stop expecting anything less than a perfect daughter?Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly... but there are some days when I feel as though I can do nothing right in their eyes.
Why can't they just let up?

It's all getting to be just a little overwhelming for me.